10 Signs to Keep Him? Not convinced on this one....

(love Will and Jada!)

Just saw this list here of 10 Signs He's a Keeper, but dang, it's rough to work with!


Here's my take on the list (which, by the way, reflects a different set of aspirations than mine for a partner), and here's why:

1. He's responsible - Does he remember to do things that a grown, adult person should be doing (paying bills, maintaining the home, etc.)? Are life's responsibilities distributed equally between the two of you? And if he doesn't remember, does he react well when you remind him?
2. He's reliable - Contrary to the list, I don't believe you can run to a guy with all of your problems. Isn't that what friends, family, colleagues, and therapists are for? My take is....does he respond well to the problems that he's supposed to solve?
3. He respects you - duh. This is a non-negotiable - it's not a sign that I should keep him! Pleeeeeeassse.

Finish the list here. 

Long distance lovin'

Week 2 of the long distance courting.....and I've got to admit - it's tough!!!

The Polar Bear and I got to spend time together on Friday, and it was great - just not long enough :( 

I've been chatting with some close friends who are involved with great guys, and they are also separated by distance.  Not quite sure how most of us cope with it, but here are a few tips that have helped me get started.  Hope they are helpful!!!

1. Set aside some time each day to talk, e-mail, or touch basis.  For us, 10:00 works really well - great chance to wind down, chat about the day, and wish each other sweet dreams:)
2. Build structure in your own life.  We had the chance (when he lived in town) to spend time together on a whim.  Now that we have a different reality, I've found new, structured ways to spend my free time.
3. Plan a monthly meeting (if you can).  If it's available to you, schedule some time each month (a weekend, a day, an evening) for the two of you to get together.  We've got our weekends mapped out for August and September, and it's so reassuring to know when we'll be spending some face time together.
4. Be romantic from afar.  There are soooo many things to do to show amor to your guy from a distance.  For me, I love sending postcards weekly.  For him, he digs sending texts each morning.  It works out quite nicely!
5. Think long term.  I'm at a phase in life where the grown up is kicking in, and I want to be serious about my future.  While I love dating, I love love even more, and it makes me happy that he and I talk seriously about the short and long term future.  For now, that would involve staying in Canada a bit longer, which I think I can swing:)

ciao for now!

a

Chasing love...even if it lands me in Canada

The exchange rate of living in Canada just went up.  Way up. 

Emotions are at peak value these days :)

Continuing the saga (and joy!) of cross-border love,

Here's my short story....or novella, as it may turn out....

I chatted a short while ago about how I met the Polar Bear online. 

It was a GREAT introduction (click here for the background),

and we totally hit it off...and been going strong ever since.

Best thing since blueberry muffins (which I absolutely LOVE!)

Then....some news.....

He had been on the job hunt for a while, months, actually

had some successes, but nothing really GREAT panned out...

until he had an interview last Tuesday (a week ago, can u believe it?!!?!?)

in Toronto

And on Wednesday, he got the job offer.

This was fantastic, deliciously sweet music!

Until I heard that there was one stipulation.

He had to start immediately.

On Wednesday, I bawled, brawled, and cried till I was sore

(all over pizza and pinot grigio).

On Thursday, I pulled it together

and started the Exel sheet listing all the stuff to get done before his move.

(Such an A-type, right?!!?!?)

On Friday, I rolled over the big suitcase.

On Saturday, we took pictures of his house to post online

(hope he gets some tenants soon!!!)

On Sunday, we had a beautiful breakfast and planned the rest of our weekends.

I'm not the biggest fan of long distance relationships.

Too lonely.

Too expensive.

Too worrisome.

But love's not easy - if it were, everyone would have it, right?

So, for now, he rests his head in Toronto,

but, more importantly,

 he rests his heart with me.

And that's alright.

Chasing love...even if it lands me in Italy.... (Part 2)

So excited to hear from Jeaneen again!  Check out Part 1 of her romantic story here.

I'm sitting on the floor in my bedroom and yelled out to my mom. “MOMMMMM! Can you watch my cats while I go to Italy for a week?” “TO ITALY!!!” , she screams. Then out the front door she goes. Uhhh!! was that a yes or no answer.

Today has finally come! I'm getting ready to pack my bags for my spring break vacation to Italy. I was so excited and nothing more. I jumped on the plane from DCA to JFK Airport with no problems. I met a guy from Milan and his jazz band members that wanted to scoop me up right away. I'd talked to him most of the way to Italy. When I landed it was drizzling in Milan. I'd went through the check point, got my passport stamped and grabbed my luggage. I went to the restroom before proceeding through the double doors. Staring in the mirror I suddenly freaked out!!! “WHAT IF HE IS A SERIAL KILLER!! OMG! What am I thinking, GOSH! You're so stupid.” Then I thought to myself well... he is short I can take him! So after I'd scared the crap out of myself, I'd walked through the double doors where everyone was standing waiting for their friends and relatives. There he was on his tippie-toes with big brown eyes waiting for me. AWWWW!! SOO CUTEE!! I'd rushed to him and hugged him before I got a closer look at him. He was so adorable. I could just put him in my pocket and run off, but wait a minute... I thought to myself he is really short! So he only asked me two questions in the airport after the long hug. “Are you ready for rain?” of course not and “Am I tall enough for you?” LOL!! of course I told him yes!!!


So here we are together, finally, with 12 days ahead of us. I met his family and friends, which were very nice to me. We'd actually gone to a lot of places and I'd seen a lot of things I've never saw before. We had so much fun together, but I think the funniest part for me besides the X-rated ones (wink), was the club. I was dancing and he had no clue what to do with me so most of the night he stood in the corner with his drink and index finger on his lip like Austin Powers but he was my Mini Me. His friend told me that booty shaking was not in the translating dictionary so that is probably why he didn't know what to do. Here I am with a guy that says all the right things and we can share all the enjoyment and excitement. Do I really want to go home after these 12 days and what happens after this? I had little time to even think about it. To me, he was perfect.

The final day is here and we both pretended as if it would never come. The ride to the airport was long and quiet. I'd told him please don't cry because I would start crying. I look so ugly when I cry and I don't want him to see that. Hahaa! We gave each other our last kiss and he walked up the stairs with his hands in his pocket and his head down, so sad. I felt exactly what he felt. Tears were pouring down my face watching him leave me. I was crying for 8 hours off and on in the airplane. I didn't stop crying until I got home. I had to figure out how to be with him.

After the trip we talked as much as possible. We talked about how we could be together and try having a relationship with each other. In September, I'd finally graduated from college.
 
In December, I'd packed all of my bags, gave my cats away and moved to Italy.

Chasing love...even if it lands me in Italy....

For the first installation of some romantic story telling and sharing, I was stoked that my girl Jeaneen agreed to post. Here she tells her lovely story about how she found her soulmate............across the BIG pond.

So here I am 13 years old and I had my whole life figured out! I was going to get out of here some way somehow and the only way I could figure out how to do that was to get educated. I was going to do well in school, go to college for art, move to Florida and become a designer. I would have laughed in your face if you told me that I was going to live in Italy and marry an Italian, but believe it or not that is exactly what happened.

10 years later…

I have 12 more months before I graduate from college. I’m so proud of myself for keeping my promise. I was so proud that I should give myself a gift. I should take a nice vacation to “Somewhere in Europe”. So finally after sitting there looking at Google map, I’d finally decided that I would visit Italy. I have so many questions, what are the people like? Where can I go that is not so cliché? Who can I talk to about Italy? For some odd reason I’d decided the best way to find someone is to use MySpace. So I stumbled upon this Italian guy who would like to meet all the citizens of the world, hear their stories and learn a lot from them. I had so many questions to ask this Italian guy but instead what did I write him… a chain letter that was sent to me from one of my crazy friends. Of course he thought I was spam, but after we got over that hump we’ve decided to chat online. Our chatting about culture, food and lifestyle turned into sharing goals, aspirations and emotions we could not fight off anymore. We could talk about anything serious, to intense or just being out right stupid.

After two months of sharing our feelings, I’d stopped dating other guys. I could not sleep without hearing this Italian guy’s voice. I could not focus, if I went to dinner with another guy I would always watch my clock and wonder what time will I get home, so I could talk to someone across the ocean that was much more interesting to me than this hot eye candy in front of me. LOL! It was clear to me that I had feelings for this Italian guy, but I felt like I needed to hold on to reality. GET A GRIP! He is across the ocean, you haven’t gone out with this guy, you haven’t seen him before, and you haven’t touched him. We’ve never went on a date. While half of my brain is screaming out loud what an idiot you are the other half is playing that ridiculous song by Zapp “Computer Love”

You know I've been searching for someone
Who can share that special love with me
And your eyes have that glow
Could it be your face I see on my computer screen!!!

I resisted so hard not telling him how I felt, because when you do, they always run from you. Then I thought to myself, where the hell will he run...offline!

Eventually, he said those magical words “I love you” and I almost fell off my bed with relief. Finally, I can tell him how I feel. After three months of online chats, I’ve decided that my gift to myself will be to visit this Italian guy in March for Spring Break...

To be continued…

Online Dating - Catching the Big Fish!

July's cross-border romance theme continues......

I moved to Canada in April 2009 and was having the hardest time meeting people (men, particularly in Ottawa). I was in grocery stores, lounges, book stores, coffee shops, churches, parks, and it took me months to realize that men don't court ladies here like they do in the golden south.

No genuinely sweet compliments from gentlemen passing by. No smooth approaches to share some friendly conversation over a drink. No flattering stares from across the room, street, bus, or aisle. As Canada's capital, Ottawa is a government town, so guys that'd be in my target audience (age, intellect, goals, etc.) are either:

1. Settled with familes
2. Interning (not that this is a bad thing - it's just that the career is the only reason they'd be in town, and they wouldn't be likely to stay....)
3. Too involved with politics to pick up what I'm puttin' down

So........I decided to go online to find my guy. At first, I bought a subscription to Blacksingles.com, and that was just AWFUL! The guys were old, too hood to be any good, and baby's daddies 2 or 3 times over. Not the cream of the crop.

After hearing from some friends about other popular options, I tried Plenty of Fish, and I WAS HOOKED!!!! So POF is international, and there are soooooooo many folks on here - it was so much fun to meet so many eligible gents - that were HERE, in OTTAWA! I would've never known.

So many friends tell me that they are too fearful to try it...insecure about who might be reading their most intimate details, and just not ready to make that leap into dating subculture.

Ladies, if you're single, and don't want to be, please....please give this a try. I was a bit nervous about it at first, but when I realized that you can put just enough info out there to bait the hook, I landed the biggest fish, and it was soooooooo worth it!

It's not really online dating....because the online stuff is just the start. It's more like online choosing - you choose the person you want to date from a pool of guys that are already interested in you. To me, it's the absolute best because it's free (in most cases), convenient, and you don't have to wear your cutest dress and most painful shoes only to be disappointed at the end of an evening of meeting the wrong kind of guys.

I crafted my profile very carefully - it took a few rounds, but I finally got it right. I wanted to talk about me but still leave some mystery, know what I mean? So I tried to describe my priorities, my life, and myself in terms of something I love: travel!

After fishing for about 2 months (filled with fun and exciting dating!), I met the Polar Bear. We exchanged messages on the site for a week or so before we graduated to the phone. After another week, we went out on our first date, and it was a wrap after that! We've been together for eight months now (still learning great things about each other!), and I'm really happy. Really happy - and it's not just romance. It's the partnership, mutual concern for each other's well being, and commitment to adding to each other's happiness.

Before the online discovery, I was just out there - not knowing what to look for, and surely not knowing what it could look like. Online dating sites open the door to so many possibilities - for my single ladies, I hope you'll give it a try - I cosign on this one!!!

ciao y'all!

A

Summer of Love

Hey folks!

It's been an amazing two weeks of travel, family, wonder, and adventure. Mom and I traveled to California, and pics and posts will be on the way!

In the mean and in-between time, I'm really excited to introduce the topic of the month (May was about $$$ and June was about balance. This summer, love has come to me, and I think love, romance, and all the variations of courting make a fun topic to chat about for July.

I've shared bits and pieces about the budding romance in my life with the Polar Bear, and while I'm sure we've got enough ups and downs to write a novella, I wanted to take a deeper look into love.....and to be specific.....cross-border love. Since my honey and I have passports from different countries, it makes our situation a bit more "special."

Our situation doesn't involve crossing oceans or switching continents, so I called on some close friends to lend their stories for the month. These ladies' commitment to love has made me more faithful in romance, (good) men, and the search for love. One moved all the way to Italy to be with her Computer Love, and the other moved to Mexico to make a lifetime of albums with her photographer hubby.

They'll be sharing their stories throughout the month, so be sure to check in!

Ciao y'all!
a

The Neat Ice Cube Dilemma

Scene: Allyson and the Polar Bear making breakfast.

Me: (Filling in the ice container in the freezer with cubes from the tray. Proceed to fill up the tray, making sure that the water does not pass over the walls of the ice cube tray, ensuring that neat ice cubes will result; place tray back in freezer.)

Polar Bear: (Retrieve ice tray; filling tray full of water.)

Me: I filled them half way on purpose. That way you get neat ice cubes.

Polar Bear: But they won't be big enough.

Me: Yes they will. When do you ever need huge ice cubes? If you get huge ice cubes, it waters your drink down anyway.

Polar Bear: You're right.

Me; Plus, they're neat.

Polar Bear: You're right.

Oh, amor. We're getting there.

An Incredible Day

So the 30th Birthday came.....and it was amazing - just flawless! The day was full of magic, dance, travel, and many of my favorite things!

Just a quick recap......

The Polar Bear did SUCH a great job with pulling things together. We stayed at a fancy schmancy hotel (The W Hotel in Montreal) - and y'all, the man upgraded to the Megasuite - it was soooooo cool! The best part was probably the shower....or the huge chaise.....or the huge TV...just hugeness all around - it felt like a real life Wonderland!!!

Then we had dinner at Globe restaurant....the food was great (I had veal, he had filet mignon...then we switched:). We started with characteristic cocktails...he, a rum and coke.

Me, a Kir Royale.

Then we went off to one of my favorite spots in the city, Whiskey Cafe. I don't smoke often, but I can appreciate a good cigar when the occasion calls, and for a girl's 30th, yeah.....I got a Cuban!

On Sunday, we walked around the city, which is amazing in its spring splendor. We landed on Cresent Street, where we dropped into Pino, a really cool corner restaurant with entertaining views (GREAT for people watching, a pasttime for both of us:).

I enjoyed my signature dessert (Stella and tiramisu).

So did he!

May 1, 2010 was a goooooood day!

Nice Guys always finish last, but you better be at the Finish Line, cuz they are worth waiting for!!!

Never been one to hoot and holler about romance, but since my guy and I are on opposite ends of a really long transatlantic line, I can't stop thinking about how much I miss him. I'm having a blast in Europe, but thereš still a little bit of emptiness lurking around my travels. I love my quirkly alone time, but I REALLY miss having someone to share my plate with.


I try to be faithful in recognizing my blessings, and the Polar Bear (my sweetieš nickname) ranks really high these days. Heš quite a special catch, and I thought I'd share a few reasons why (in traditional countdown form..... :)

10. Heš an awesome cook (and surprises me sometimes by packing leftovers for my lunch the next day....and he includes cutlery!)

9. He took me to see Vagina Monologues (yes, I bought the tickets, but really, he was like 1 of 1.5 straight guys there.)

8. He always keeps bottles of our (and my) favorite wines on hand.

7. He gives the warmest hugs at the airport (in both the Arrival and Departure terminals).

6. He made me a Valentineš gift basket with arts and crafts from Michaelš.

5. He always talks it out.

4. He listens, and asks really great follow up questions.

3. He tolerates my mood swings, personality ups and downs, and disorderly conduct.

2. He understands me, and when he doesn't,

1. He really tries.


Not to lecture about relationships, but if youŗe guy is special, be sure you let him know, k?

ciao for now,
a

Alicia, you used to be my homegirl.

Dear Alicia,

I saw you in Milan back in 2008 - and you rocked the house. I saw you last Friday in Ottawa, and you delivered an outstanding performance. You've given us album after album of pure, honest, emotional immersion. In your vocals, you've carved out perspectives of how to view love, women, friends, memories, and pain. In your musical discipline, you've created original pieces whose ebbs and flows fall under your direction. Your excellence as an artist is supreme.


Of all the female performers, pop stars, and Hollywood figures, I've depended on just a few - but you especially - to represent independent, thoughtful, responsible, and righteous women everywhere. It's a standard that you set easily back in 199? when I first came across your music.


I understand, however, that you've committed an Angelia Jolie sized offense and are quite content with your homewrecking tendencies. Whether Swizz was separated, divorced, or trying his luck at fooling you to believe either, I just wish you would have waited until he was completely and unquestionably unattached before you let him put a ring on it.


I admire women like Jada Pinkett Smith, whose marriage to Will Smith brought her a "bonus son". That marriage, held in high regard, also has the experience, growth, and maturity made possible by an unsuccessful first marriage. Things don't work out - that's life. But the Smith couple, honest in their intentions, found the right puzzle pieces to create a marriage based on real life circumstances, fulfillment of responsibilities (to Will's former wife and son), and 13 years later, their marriage is one that others look to for inspiration.


As you opened last Friday's show with a personal expression of how "everyone has the right to be loved," I agreed with you, wholeheartedly. I cannot refrain from expressing any longer, however, how dissappointed I am in your decision to accept a ring from a married man. I don't have the right to judge you, but if you were my homegirl, I would have tried to steer you to a different decision, or at least a prolonged one.


You've now shown millions of girls, who model their lives and decisions after celebrities like you, that you think it's acceptable to intervene in someone else's marriage as the other woman. You've shown your audience of adoring teenagers that you think it's alright to covet what is someone else's husband (in paper, in theory, what EVER....).


Quite simply, it's not right. It's not admirable, respectable, nor honorable - all the things I once associated with you. Yes, you do have the right to be loved. But by a married man? Come on, A. I wanted more for you.


Cordially,
Allyson

Rebirth of Slick - The 100th episode

Totally cheesy, but my guy and I have been in each other's lives since November, so yesterday we mused that it'd be our 3-month celebration. It doesn't seem like a very long time, so I decided to count the actual number of days that we've been making each other laugh hysterically, embarass ourselves quite comfortably in front of each other, stuff our faces with gluten free trigger foods, and drink, snip, swirl and stare at wine together.

It's our 100th episode of the rebirth of slick. Here's to you, kiddo!